Good news for Falkirk fans, Inverness supporters, general lovers of goals and even for those Celtic followers in need of a little cheering up; this season’s Scottish Cup Final is guaranteed* to be a sheer and utter avalanche of goals!
Supporters Direct Scotland has been conducting in-depth research in the lead-up to May’s big day at Hampden, with several office boffins working day and night, deciphering complex algorithms and nigh-on impossible code in order to make bullet-proof predictions for Falkirk’s clash with Inverness Caledonian Thistle.
In the wake of last weekend’s Scottish Cup semi-final results, many have resigned themselves to a dour, low-key affair, between two teams lacking in glamour and technical footballing ability, but at SDS we are here to convincingly dispel this notion and to reassure football fans across the country and worldwide that tuning into the Cup Final in the May sunshine will be a very wise decision.
How did we come to this conclusion? What was the methodology employed? Well we’ll tell you what it wasn’t – it most certainly wasn’t a case of giving the office intern a calculator and taking longer than we’d like to admit working out how to calculate averages. That’s the last thing we would have done!
Unfortunately, we aren’t able to disclose how we came to this result, but as is the case in football, the result is all that matters. We can now reveal that by having a cup final with neither Celtic or Rangers competing, the likelihood of more goals being scored has skyrocketed! In the 30 years since the 1983/84 season, a Scottish Cup Final with either Celtic or Rangers competing – or both – has yielded a paltry 2.5 goals per game. In the eight finals in that same time period to not feature either club, the average jumped dramatically to a whopping 3.1 goals per final! That’s science folks – cold, hard facts – and you can’t teach that!
Who can forget Motherwell winning the Scottish Cup in 1991 after a back and forth classic against Dundee United in front of 57,000 fans at Hampden. The next year? Rangers seeing off Airdrieonians 2-1, drawing almost 10,000 less than the previous year.
What about Heart of Midlothian’s historic 5-1 victory over cross-city rivals Hibernian in 2012? Would they have beaten Hibs so memorably had they not been playing Hibs? Exactly! Science! And will we ever stop fantasising about Kilmarnock’s world-famous 1-0 win over Falkirk at Ibrox in the 1997 final?! A match that single-handedly made Paul ‘Better than Shearer’ Wright a household name.
So strap yourself in Scottish football fans for what is sure to be one for the ages. Buy your tickets now and remind yourself that as you’re not having to endure either Glasgow giant, you’re already 0.5 goals better off!
What sort of 0.5 goal would you like to see? Half of a bullet header? 50% of a curling free-kick? Or how about two quarters of a goalmouth scramble? So many to choose from!
Let us know on Twitter at @ScottishFans
*No such guarantee can actually be made and Supporters Direct Scotland take no responsbility if in fact, it turns out to be a utterly dour 0-0 draw, with Falkirk winning 1-0 on penalties